Since 2009, the guys from MST3K have given us many theatrical get-togethers featuring so many bad movies as RiffTrax.
In 1996, Universal Pictures released Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie. While it’s gone on to find love in the aftermath, the whole situation was handled badly in many ways and it ended up being a box office dud. The idea was solid, though. If MST3K worked so well on TV and gathered such a fanbase, it would probably be an extra great experience to enjoy its style in a movie theater surrounded by other laughing fans.
Ten years later, long after MST3K seemed gone for good (thankfully, it wasn’t!), Mike Nelson created his own take on bad movie riffing called RiffTrax. It gained steam thanks to the help of his old running buddies Kevin Murphy, Bill Corbett, as well as celebrity guests like Neil Patrick Harris and Joel McHale. Using public domain movies and releasing mp3 commentary tracks for blockbuster movies, RiffTrax garnered a major following, eventually leading to a library of bad movies of better quality.
In 2009, they tried a little experiment called RiffTrax Live. Using Fathom Events, they would do a live broadcast of a movie riffing (plus a lot of other stuff, making it more like a variety show) across the country. It would be replayed a few days later, but that was it. Just two showings and a DVD release.
The concept took off and it became like a Marvel movie thing. 1-to-4 RiffTrax Live events per year and over twenty in total. Some movies are targets they already hit on the website. Some are ones they already hit during the MST3K days. Some are brand new to them. Unfortunately, while many are available to stream, some are locked away due to legal reasons.
So in honor of Fathom Events bringing us the RiffTrax crew taking on MST3K classic Giant Spider Invasion on August 15 and 20, here’s a handy guide to the history of RiffTrax Live and their many shows.
1. PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE
August 20, 2009
Sometimes there are those combinations that are so perfect, yet don’t happen. Like how Clint Eastwood was never in a movie with John Wayne or Rocky Balboa never fought Mike Tyson. One of those instances was the idea of Plan 9 From Outer Space being on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Sure, they handled other Ed Wood movies, but this magnum opus was considered to be the worst movie of all time. It was THE so-bad-it’s-amazing movie.
Enough MST3K and RiffTrax have taught us that Plan 9 is not even close to being the worst movie of all time, but it is a fascinatingly dumb movie and a blast to watch outside of the slog section of military stock footage. The movie revolves around some dumpy aliens who want to prevent Earth from blowing up the universe. Their big plan? Reanimate the dead…but only three people. They include an incredibly skinny woman, a mountain of a man, and an old man who is in some shots played by Bela Lugosi and in some shots played by a much taller man with a cape over his face.
As the first RiffTrax Live, it is a bit different from later installments. Veronica Belmont hosts the show, Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka creates a few fake commercials, and Jonathan Coulton (the guy behind the RiffTrax theme) gets a couple songs in. He seems like a nice guy and all, but seeing various audience members dramatically singing along to some of Coulton’s humor folk stuff is worthy of your cringe.
The show comes with a short called Flying Stewardess, an old look at how flight attendants trained for their jobs, which is very tame compared to the other weirdness we’ll see in this article.
2. CHRISTMAS SHORTS-STRAVAGANZA
December 16, 2009
This is one of the select few RiffTrax Live shows that isn’t about a specific movie, but just a series of shorts one after the other. Lots of Christmas-related stuff for the season, usually playing up the insanity that is the concept of Santa Claus. I’ve written at length about all the December holiday-based RiffTrax stuff here, so that covers much of the madness.
Outside of the sexual undertones in Rudolph’s world and the horror of stop-motion dancing dolls, there are a couple shorts that have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, but get featured here anyway. For instance, Parade of Aquatic Champions is just a news reel of sorts that talks up a swimming event.
Better is Three Magic Words, with guest riffer Weird Al Yankovic. It’s a quirky pork advertisement starring a trio called the Jesters who play multiple roles to help a housewife prepare a dinner for her husband’s bosses (also the Jesters). It may not have anything to do with the Christmas season, but it will have its song about quality, freshness, and flavor stuck in your head for days.
3. REEFER MADNESS
August 19, 2010
Reefer Madness is a cult favorite due to being the 1930s’ attempt to scare parents into thinking that marijuana is the devil. Youngsters are pulled into the seedy world of weed and it leads to murder, suicide, insanity, playing the HELL out of the piano, and other horrifying side-effects. It’s a delightfully try-hard film, but not one of the more memorable RiffTrax Live episodes.
Still, seeing it via RiffTrax is a welcome throwback to the troubled youth movies that used to show up a lot in the Comedy Central era of MST3K.
Reefer Madness is a very short movie, just over an hour, so there are three whole shorts that go with it. Aesop’s Sound Fables: Frozen Frolics is one of your average early black-and-white animation shorts where everyone is a dancing dog-like animal. More Dangerous Than Dynamite is a warning to people who used gasoline to do their laundry, which was an actual thing people did way back when. Then At Your Fingertips: Grasses – the first of many At Your Fingertips shorts we’ll see – shows the lame arts and crafts creations you can make with grass and plants and stuff. Not the cool kind of fun with grass, like playing the piano really fast.
If anything, this RiffTrax Live is mostly remembered for the narrator randomly asking, “Is corn grass?” and Bill Corbett losing his mind over it.
Since we’re still early on in the RiffTrax Live series and they’re throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks, there are a couple short cartoons that depict the insane storytelling narration of Lauren Kyanka (Richard Kyanka’s very young daughter). They’re cute, but forgettable.
4. HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
October 28, 2010
This is part of a trilogy of RiffTrax Live shows that are based on classic horror, but feel too dry to really feel must-watch. Another rather short film, House on Haunted Hill is about Vincent Price as an eccentric rich guy holding a mysterious sleepover at what’s said to be a haunted mansion. A handful of people have to spend the night in order to earn a bunch of money, but something creepy is going on and we’re left wondering if someone isn’t who they say they are or if there’s something supernatural going on.
It’s an okay movie on its own, even if it leads to a ridiculous climax involving a walking skeleton. For the most part, it’s not the best fit with the RiffTrax style.
Luckily, the show redeems itself with two of the all-time best shorts in Magical Disappearing Money and Paper and I. The latter of which has Paul F. Tompkins show up to help out.
Magical Disappearing Money is about a witch who shows up in a 70s grocery store to accost random people about how they could save so much money by getting powdered milk and other stuff that’s totally not worth it. She’s the kind of person who buys Hunts’ ketchup. Burn her.
Paper and I is the brother short to the MST3K classic A Case of Spring Fever, only a bit more ridiculous. Replace the loudmouth Coily with a talking bag of paper who gradually gets more and more decrepit as the short progresses. Outside of the talking paper’s disturbing mortality, it’s essentially the same idea: to show the importance of a resource, the world magically loses it and even though the main character becomes educated on the topic, other people in the short seem to openly admit that this is the dumbest thing ever.
5. JACK THE GIANT KILLER
August 17, 2011
If this one isn’t my all-time favorite RiffTrax Live, it’s at least in the top three. Jack the Giant Killer is, honestly, a fantastic and fun adventure movie and when it came out, the designs and effects were probably mindblowingly amazing. It’s just that watching it now, it’s silly as all get-out and feels too dated to take seriously. You know, like nearly any movie with stop-motion animation. It’s comparable to MST3K’s Jack Frost, which is incredibly easy to make fun of, but it’s really easy to watch on its own.
The movie is about a dashing farmer named Jack, who ends up getting mixed up in rescuing a princess from an evil wizard named Pendragon. To defeat Pendragon, Jack teams up with an orphaned son of a pirate, a Viking, and a magical leprechaun who can grant three wishes. It never stays in place for too long and always has some kind of new focus to keep the jokes fresh.
It features a couple more Lauren Kyanka cartoons, which are then phased out completely. The lone short is called What is Nothing? and its existence as an educational film is one of the more questionable aspects of RiffTrax history. Seriously, what the hell? It’s just two kids tripping out and discussing the very concept of “nothing.”
6. MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE
August 16, 2012
Manos: The Hands of Fate is deified by the MST3K fans as one of its most popular episodes. Forget Plan 9, THIS was considered by many – and still is – to be the absolute worst movie ever made. I for one feel that while the MST3K version keeps up with the badness, it isn’t an all-time hilarious episode like it should be. Makes sense that the RiffTrax crew would give it a second go.
A tourist family ends up stranded in a dank home to a nasty cult made up of a warlock, a stuttering goat man (?), a harem of women, and a vicious dog. What follows is a tale of darkness, hopelessness, and catfighting. Most importantly, it has Torgo, who has become possibly THE most memorable movie character in MST3K lore.
In terms of shorts, we get At Your Fingertips: Cylinders and Welcome Back, Norman. Despite its name, this is our first look at a recurring character named Norman who starred in some comedic short films for Showtime. They were more exercises in watching a more depressing Mr. Bean get shit on by the world in every waking moment. This one is about his misadventures in a parking lot.
The live show apparently included some stuff from people involved with the failed sequel Manos: The Search for Valley Lodge, but I never got to see it. My theater was sold out for this show and it was removed for the digital version.
7. BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR
October 25, 2012
Birdemic is one of the RiffTrax classics. A special kind of bad movie that shows that as bad as Manos was, at least the main characters acted like human beings for the most part. Here…not so much. Director and writer James Nguyen tries to do some kind of environmentalist take on Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds, but with little in budget and less in coherence. The first half of the movie is about an odd man named Rod getting in a relationship with a Victoria’s Secret cover model named Nathalie while also acquiring a ton of money from his company being bought out.
Then, inexplicably, the world goes to Hell with terrible CGI birds destroying everything and everyone. Rod and Nathalie fight for survival along with two orphans and…that’s about it. There is at least a wonderful moment where they meet a hippy with a laughable wig who talks to them about bark beetles and mountain lions.
It’s a must-see bad movie, but due to the atrocious pacing and repetitive lack of plot in the second half, it’s not one you’re going to check out repeatedly.
It comes with the short Norman Checks In. In this one, Norman gets stuck living in a lousy hotel room and hilarity/crippling depression ensues.
8. STARSHIP TROOPERS
August 15, 2013
Availability: Just the Jokes
One of the most popular RiffTrax commentaries of all time is Twilight. RiffTrax saw the popularity of that riff and decided to go big by doing a Kickstarter to raise enough money to hopefully get the rights to do a RiffTrax Live for it. Unfortunately, the studio wouldn’t budge and refused to let them make fun of their cash cow in such an official and public fashion. Fortunately, RiffTrax was able to get Starship Troopers instead.
While there are many who will look at Starship Troopers as a brilliant satire of fascism where you’re secretly cheering on Nazis, the RiffTrax guys continue to roll their eyes and stick to their guns that it’s still a very bad movie worthy of ridicule.
This is, sadly, the first of several RiffTrax Live shows that is simply unavailable. While they can show the broadcast in theaters whenever, that’s basically it. They don’t have home release rights and the best they can do is release a commentary track of them doing the same jokes that they used in the live show. Unfortunate, but it does make certain shows must-watch.
9. NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
October 24, 2013
On paper, Night of the Living Dead looks like it could be good fodder. Instead, we have a combination that doesn’t really work too well. This George Romero classic about people trying to hide out in a house as zombies gradually close in works well as a tense horror flick, but as a riff, it runs out of gas. It’s not really their fault. It’s a movie based on a handful of people holed up in one environment for most of the runtime. They can’t help but run out of stuff to talk about and even the jokes about how angry the dad is start to get old.
At least we get another Norman adventure with Norman Gives a Speech. Enjoy his endless suffering!
10. SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
December 5, 2013
I have a soft spot for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and find it easily watchable, so I’m glad to see that it’s been lambasted by MST3K, Cinematic Titanic, and RiffTrax Live. The tale of doofy Martians kidnapping Santa Claus and some Earth kids in order to bring joy to Mars almost works, but is hampered by too much camp and horrible effects. Still, it says a lot that there are three separate riffs for this movie with no real joke overlap. That’s how rich it is.
For something a little less familiar, the short that goes with it is phenomenal. Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen has a tiny and incoherent fairy give life to some toys in order to teach Santa a lesson for ignoring her via sleeping. Or something. We get all the classic old school toys, such as a ragdoll, a wooden soldier, a jack-in-the-box, and most important of all, the Candy Lion. He’s a horrifying lion creature whose only activities are eating candy and telling us that he can eat candy.
Definitely one of the better holiday watches for RiffTrax in general.
July 10, 2014
So. Yeah. Sharknado. The first two movies got the RiffTrax Live treatment and I’ll admit that the first one works. They didn’t know until after the movie was made that it was going to be so celebrated, so unlike the sequels, it isn’t as over-the-top and leaning into intentional schlock. There’s some actual earnestness in how bad it all comes out.
If for some reason you haven’t seen Sharknado, it’s about a series of tornados that become extra dangerous due to picking up sharks from the ocean and succeeding in both filling safe, indoor areas with sharks as well as unpredictably turning those sharks into projectiles. Ian Ziering plays bar owner/surfer Fin, who tries to find his family and survive the unholy storm. The sequels would involve space, time-travel, cyborgs, and annoying celebrities getting killed by flying sharks. The original remains just grounded enough to make a good target.
The short is A Case of Spring Fever, which I mentioned earlier is one of the most memorable MST3K shorts. A middle-aged doofus gets mad about springs and a cartoon spring sprite named Coily removes all springs from the world to teach him a lesson. A true must-see.
12. GODZILLA (1998)
August 14, 2014
Availability: Just the Jokes
Another Kickstarter gave us a theater-only RiffTrax Live of the Matthew Broderick Godzilla movie. The one with the Puff Daddy song. I had only seen the movie in theaters, so it felt right to go back and see it a second time. This American reimagining of the classic Japanese monster lacks the magic of the originals and means having to put up with the annoying human characters for far too long. Forget cool kaiju fights. This one’s all about bad CGI and whining about Siskel and Ebert.
This one doesn’t come with any shorts because the movie itself is over two hours. Good God, did this piece of shit really need to be that long? Maybe it’s for the better that they couldn’t get VOD distribution rights because I don’t know if I could take another go at this one.
October 30, 2014
Availability: Just the Jokes
Since that Godzilla Kickstarter made so much money, Anaconda was included as a stretch goal. Anaconda is a WAAAAY better watch due to the right balance of bad movie, bad decisions, and a shockingly all-star cast. In it, a documentary crew come across a very obviously evil Jon Voight, who joins them and ultimately steers them into the direction of the world’s biggest snake for the sake of hunting it down for big money.
Even though the movie is mostly competent, there’s still a hilarious effect where they try to show a boat moving in reverse by reversing the footage, even though THERE’S A WATERFALL IN THE SHOT! I’ll never get over it.
If they ever rerelease this one in theaters, give it a look. As Owen Wilson would say, “It just makes sense!”
14. SANTA CLAUS
December 4, 2014
Here we go with the other old school MST3K Christmas classic. This one is about Santa Claus as if explained through a game of Telephone that makes it all the way to Mexico. Santa Claus’ mythology is depicted where instead of elves, he has a bunch of international children. His reindeer are freaky robots. His best friend is Merlin the Magician. He has a giant pair of robot lips in his workshop for some reason. Most importantly, his antagonist is Pitch, an agent of Satan himself.
What’s nice about this one is that without the time restraints, we get to see the entire film. Did you know that Santa has a beefy blacksmith on the payroll? Then again, about 95% of the extra footage is dedicated to Merlin’s annoying walking song.
As crazy as the movie is, it does run out of gas towards the end, so Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is easily the superior one.
The short included is At Your Fingertips: Sugar and Spice. While most of these blur together, this one stands out for its ending, where the narrator suggests we eat handfuls of pure sugar.
15. THE ROOM
May 6, 2015
Availability: Just the Jokes
On the website, RiffTrax took care of The Room years before and it was definitely a match made in heaven. To bring it to the big screen, they held another big Kickstarter entitled “The Crappening.” Four lousy movies over one year. The Room was the first stop on this 2015 journey and even though it doesn’t really need Mike and the guys talking over it, it still works. It just sucks that unlike its spiritual sibling Birdemic, The Room isn’t available as a VOD.
They released a second commentary track on the website with the jokes used for RiffTrax Live and it’s definitely better than the earlier take. Not only are the “Disembaudio walks in during the sex scenes” gags gone, but so are all the meaner jokes about the actress who played Lisa.
The short for the show was At Your Fingertips: Floats. I have nothing to add to that.
16. SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE
July 9, 2015
If one RiffTrax Live show had to be considered the weakest, it might have to be Sharknado 2. Like I said earlier, once the first movie caught on like wildfire, the guys behind it doubled down on the in-your-face stupidity and made intentionally bad sequels. “Intentionally bad” is the worst kind of bad movie outside of “boring as hell.”
In this first sequel, the main characters and the titular tornado of sharks make their way to New York City. We get lots of cameos from B-and-C-list actors and most of which are there to get devoured by bad CGI sharks. Since it’s now in on the joke, there’s little to actually make fun of. There’s a reason riffers tend to stay away from comedies.
Probably the funniest part of this whole thing is how one of the pointless cameos went to Jared Fogle, who made the news in a very bad way days before the broadcast, turning his appearance from forgettable to incredibly awkward.
At least the short is good. Parents—Who Needs Them? shows a child becoming invisible so he can see all the wonderful things his parents do for him. It’s delightfully weird.
17. MIAMI CONNECTION
October 1, 2015
Once upon a time, tae kwon do master YK Kim was convinced to make an action movie to promote tae kwon do to the public. With zero experience, he went and did just that while casting his students instead of, you know, actors. What followed was movie magic.
Miami Connection is a very special movie because even though it’s as dumb as a pile of rocks, it’s also so optimistic and lovable. There’s a scene in there where the riffers are mostly laughing with what’s going on because it’s just so fun in how silly it is. You essentially get exploitation to the seven-year-old crowd in a movie about rock star orphans training in tae kwon do so they can fight drug dealers and ninjas.
Also in this entry, the short Measuring Man. Imagine if instead of saving Metropolis from criminals and monsters, Superman was a dork who tried to help kids understand measuring. Then you have Measuring Man, who lays low as a mild-mannered milkman when he isn’t donning the tights. He and Miami Connection join forces to make one of the all-time best RiffTrax Live shows.
18. SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY
December 3, 2015
Not only has Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny become a beloved staple in the world of RiffTrax, but the Ice Cream Bunny himself has reached unofficial mascot levels. He’s treated as a mysterious and frightening figure who is part Lovecraftian nightmare and part psychotic drifter. Kind of like an even scarier Nick Nolte.
Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny has to do with Santa being stranded in Florida, right next to forgotten theme park Pirates World. He summons some children to help him get his sleigh out of the sand, even through the help of a guy in a gorilla suit, but it’s hopeless. He tells them a story to help their spirits and the movie ends with the Ice Cream Bunny showing up to…I don’t know, really. The movie’s a mess.
Now, when Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny debuted on RiffTrax years ago, Santa’s story was a 50-minute telling of Thumbelina that was obviously a completely different production being used as a flashback. It was also very boring. The version of the movie used for RiffTrax Live has Santa tell the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, featuring a livelier and very 1970s cast of characters.
If you’re going to watch any version of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, go with this one.
There are three shorts here and they are all goddamn bonkers. Santa Claus’ Story has Santa tell a couple kids about monkeys and chimps celebrating Christmas. The Tale of Custard the Dragon is a bizarre poem for children brought to life, where it really doesn’t belong. Then Santa’s Enchanted Village, which is very, very high on the list of the most batshit things RiffTrax has ever looked at. Puss in Boots is there, there’s a talking skunk watching a puppet show, a wolf keeps screaming about his ulcer while making accordion noises and…words can’t do it justice.
19. TIME CHASERS
May 5, 2016
Time Chasers is another classic MST3K flick, but it’s one that is almost good. You can sit through the movie and easily think to yourself, “This would actually be a good movie if they had more of a budget than thirty bucks and a coupon for Arby’s.”
As it goes, a nerdy pilot guy figures out time travel and sells it to a big corporation. Said corporation uses it irresponsibly and turns the future into a dystopia. The nerdy pilot and his reporter love interest have to then fix the time-stream and take down the big corporation. And if you haven’t seen this movie before and any of this sounds interesting to you, keep in mind that the villainous businessman’s “office” looks like a dressed-up section of a library that they got permission to film in.
If anything, watch it for Kevin Murphy’s Paul Bearer impression.
Because Santa Claus’ Story wasn’t enough, this time we have the short Chimp the Fireman, which is about a chimp who is also a fireman. Good times.
20. MST3K REUNION SHOW
June 28, 2016
By this point, the Kickstarter to bring back Mystery Science Theater 3000 had become a huge success and the show was on its way back. Season 11 hadn’t started, but we knew that Jonah Ray was the new host and we weren’t sure if the new blood was a good choice yet. Luckily, we got a taste of his talents in this big reunion show filled with various MST3K cast members taking on various shorts.
Obviously, we have the main team of Mike, Bill, and Kevin doing their thing. Then Mary Jo Pehl and Bridget Nelson team up. The Mads, made up of Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conniff show their stuff. Then there’s the old and the new with Joel Hodgson working alongside Jonah. Finally, all nine riffers get together and make fun of an old Superman adventure about stamps and revisit At Your Fingertips: Grasses.
There are eight shorts in total and they go in many different directions, but thankfully only one features a cantankerous, old, talking car who won’t stop yelling, “But he forgets!”
Oh, and Jonah did great. He’s a good egg.
August 18, 2016
Availability: Just the Jokes
Mothra is the opposite of most Toho movies. As a monster, Mothra is extremely limited in personality and the ability to even gesture, making her rampages very boring. On the other hand, the human-driven stuff surrounding her existence is strong enough to keep you paying attention. There’s an island of natives worshipping a giant egg, a pair of six-inch tall women, and an ass-kicking reporter nicknamed Bulldog. Lots of stuff to keep the riffers on their game.
That is, until Mothra starts destroying buildings. From there, it’s rather monotonous.
For this one, the short is Soapy the Germ Fighter. After so many magical, talking characters based on simple objects, we get the laziest with Soapy, a giant bar of soap with arms and legs sticking out.
22. CARNIVAL OF SOULS
October 27, 2016
Once again, a classic horror movie that’s just too dull for me to recommend. Even on its own, it’s a movie that loses its luster from colorizing it, turning it from a moody thriller to a campy disaster. The story follows Mary, a woman who survives a car accident and decides to move away. Her new life is met with both isolation and the fear that she’s being haunted by pale-faced ghouls. Congratulations, you probably guessed the ending by now.
The movie dawdles too much and isn’t weird enough to be fun. A shame.
But if you loved At Your Fingertips: Grasses, you’ll love Masks of Grass! Otherwise, the real highlight of the show is The Dirt-Witch Cleans Up, wherein a little girl fixes the hygiene of a filthy witch. As one does.
23. SAMURAI COP
April 13, 2017
This movie is the best kind of trash. A cop nicknamed Samurai helps a police department deal with a gang run by an angry Japanese guy and his big-chinned associate. When he isn’t killing every single bad guy in a three-mile radius, our hero proceeds to tell random women about his wang size, inspire his partner to make ridiculous faces, and piss off his captain.
There’s a lot to love about this one, but the captain is one of my favorite characters to show up in a RiffTrax movie. He’s what happens when your cliché angry captain is both pissed off AND on the side of the protagonist.
Manners in School is a grade-A short, featuring a talking chalk drawing telling a kid to stop being a little asshole.
24. SUMMER SHORTS BEACH PARTY
June 15, 2017
Once again, we get a show that’s entirely shorts with guest appearances. These guests include Mary Jo Pehl, Bridget Nelson, Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff, and Paul F. Tompkins. They tackle seven total shorts and there are some doozies in there. Rhythmic Ball Skills is a short that my mind simply refuses to let me remember. I think it was a handful of kids playing with kickballs in various ways that went on forever?
The grand finale is The Baggs and all I can say is holy shit. There’s some kind of hipster Hillbilly Jim who’s trying to chase down two living, sentient sacks, depicted as just two guys in tied sacks jumping around and… Man, I don’t even know. You have to see this one to believe it.
25. DOCTOR WHO: THE FIVE DOCTORS
August 17, 2017
Availability: Nothing yet
I’m not a guy who knows too much about Doctor Who. There’s only so much time in the day and I can only follow so much nerd stuff. I still know enough about Doctor Who to understand why this movie is the perfect fodder for RiffTrax. At the time of its release, there were five incarnations of the Doctor and the idea of having them team up against a common foe was too awesome to pass up. It’s just that the first Doctor’s actor was already dead and the fourth Doctor’s actor wanted nothing to do with it. Hence, a replacement actor for the former and the latter being shown via unused footage before being written out lazily.
It’s Avengers: Infinity War with early Doctor Who, only with a very limited budget that gets embarrassing at points. Even as someone who only knows about the franchise through geek osmosis and having seen that one episode with the angel statues, I was able to follow enough of it and enjoy the RiffTrax crew roasting it.
On the subject of roasting, the entry comes with Play Safe, a safety film featuring some talking cartoon birds. This one gets pretty damn grisly.
26. SPACE MUTINY
June 19, 2018
One of the most beloved MST3K movies gets another thrashing and even with all the stuff cut out of the MST3K version, we still have little idea what’s going on. In the distant future, a big space ship is on a very long trip to another planet and the villain Kalgan insists on a space mutiny because spending your entire lifespan in space is for the birds. He’s opposed by a muscular slab of generic action hero, his old-looking girlfriend, and her God-looking father. Then some sexy psychic ladies show up, people fall over railings a lot, and they throw in some Battlestar Galactica footage.
It’s good to see some extra life stuffed into this classic, but I will admit how jarring it is when the MST3K take got some jokes so perfect that seeing them go with a different joke takes you out of the movie.
Cute thing about the show is that certain Kickstarter backers with a lot of cash to donate got to toss in new joke names for Dave Ryder, following up on one of the best MST3K running gags.
The short for this show is The Magic Shop, a lesser-known HG Wells story. There’s good reason for that.
August 23, 2018
Availability: Just the Jokes
Krull is an 80s classic in that it’s a flawed piece of cheese with a lot of cool designs and concepts. It also features a very young Liam Neeson and Robbie Coltrane in supporting roles. Really, if they cut down on the lengthy shots that go on forever, it would be way better. This thing really didn’t need to be two hours.
Krull is about Colwyn, a prince who is supposed to be married to a princess for the sake of bringing peace between two kingdoms. On the night of the wedding, alien invaders slaughter nearly everyone and capture the princess. Colwyn puts together a group to rescue the princess and save the planet Krull. This team includes a half-competent wizard, a child, a group of bandits, and a bigass cyclops.
Lots of laughs are to be had, including one unforgettable bit about the princess escaping being crushed by giant, closing ass cheeks. It’s too bad that this one can’t be released in full. It’s one of my all-time favorite riff-things.
April 18, 2019
Never mind what I said about Sharknado 2. This one might be the hardest RiffTrax Live to sit through. It’s one of the most lifeless targets they’ve ever had and the latter part of the movie feels comparable to the “DEEP HURTING” sandstorm segment in Hercules Against the Moon Men. It’s the antithesis of fun schlock.
Octaman is about a mutated octopus stalking through a swamp, looking for victims. Unlike most guy-in-a-costume creatures from decades ago, they don’t spend much of the film building up to his appearance. Instead, he shows up in full view, in broad daylight, within the opening minutes. With that tension gone, we just have our protagonists farting around to kill time as Octaman wanders here and there.
Then they all end up in a cave and everything sucks forever. If there’s any reason to watch this one, it’s for McGruff’s Drug Alert, a PSA short featuring another guy in a half-man/half-animal hybrid costume.
29. STAR RAIDERS: THE ADVENTURES OF SABER RAINE
June 6, 2019 (taped on April 17, 2019)
This one is best summed up with a joke where one riffer points out that the special effects aren’t that bad for 1992, only to be told that the movie is from 18 months ago. Yes, Star Raiders is from 2017. Casper Van Dien is a Han Solo type in an inexplicable space adventure where the quality is in-between “cheap fan-film” and “episode of Hercules.”
It’s a movie so overflowing with cliche and aimlessness that I really can’t even tell you what it’s about. All I really remember is that the main villain has some kind of giant, gross pimple for a head and a princess turns evil for reasons. There’s a bug creature that’s supposed to be part of a race of cannon fodder, but they only show one at a time because they only had enough budget for one costume.
Cynthia Rothrock gets major billing and she doesn’t even show up until the very end as a hologram for a couple minutes. By then, the movie ends and you wonder what on Earth you even sat through.
Give it a look!
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